Many parents notice their little one beginning to cling to a specific toy, blanket, or item around the age of one. It soon becomes necessary to soothe your toddler to sleep, calm down, or get in the car. Some days, it seems like your toddler can't live without it! Is this attachment normal?
Yes, it is normal for toddlers to develop an attachment to a comfort object, like a blanket or stuffed animal. The need for a comfort object is typically sparked by weaning or a regular separation from Mommy; it becomes a way for a toddler to soothe in stressful or new places and situations.
However, the need your toddler has for that comfort object may feel like too much at times, especially when your tiny tot refuses to eat, sleep, or leave home without it. Is this unhealthy? When should you begin weaning your toddler from the comfort object? Let's talk about it!
What Is a Comfort Object and What Does It Do?
A comfort object is a blanket, towel, toy, stuffed animal, or some other object that your young child uses to soothe himself. Also called transitional objects, these items help little ones work through stressful situations and rapid development in the transition from complete babyhood dependence to childhood independence.
A comfort object serves as an almost-mother because it becomes the next best thing to being soothed by mom (source). Babies and toddlers attached to a comfort object will carry it with them wherever they go, cry for it when separated from it, and hang onto it for dear life when in an unfamiliar situation.
For babies and toddlers who attend daycare or preschool, a comfort object is incredibly helpful for self-soothing while away from the familiarity and safety of home and parents. A comfort object is also handy for soothing your little one to sleep once you're no longer rocking or feeding them to sleep.
If you are about to send your toddler to daycare or preschool for the first time, read up on ways to make that transition smoother in 5 Ways to Help Your Toddler Adjust to Preschool.
When Does a Child Get Attached to an Item?
Most babies become attached to a comfort object without the parents noticing. The first "not mom" item given to a baby for soothing purposes is typically a pacifier. Some babies learn to fall asleep or calm down when distressed by suckling a pacifier, but that attachment soon changes.
Many babies choose a soft comfort object between eight and twelve months old, typically a blanket or towel that is often present while mommy holds, feeds, or soothes them (source). The smell, texture, and taste of this item calm the baby.
As the baby becomes a toddler, however, the comfort item preference may shift to a stuffed animal or other soft toy because the toddler starts playing and speaking imaginatively to the toy as if it were a friend (source). This is totally normal!
Though some toddlers change comfort objects to a stuffed animal or toy, others will keep their blanket or choose a new one. This is also common.
Is It Okay for a Toddler to Have a Comfort Object?
Yes! It is normal and okay for a toddler to have a comfort object because toddlerhood is a period of rapid development and change (source). Even young children may benefit from a comfort object as they develop, explore emotions, and experience big changes in life.
Transitioning from complete dependence on mom for food, comfort, and sleep to independent walking, play, and eating is a colossal step in development. That is one reason toddlers are infamous for having big feelings and throwing tantrums. It's a tough time!
Having a comfort object to hang on to while learning to fall asleep or attend daycare makes these steps more doable. It's not that the comfort object replaces mommy and the comfort she provides, but it does represent a comfort reminiscent of mommy.
Should I Encourage My Child to Have a Comfort Object?
Most babies and toddlers will choose a comfort object naturally as their mothers wean them and begin separating from them more often for work or caring for siblings. As adults, we understand this separation to be a normal and necessary part of life, but for little ones, separation can shatter confidence.
The odds are that your baby or toddler will choose a comfort object on her own without any coaxing from you. This could be from your unintentional habit of using the same blanket every time you rock your little one to sleep or reaching for the same stuffed animal every time you sit to read a favorite book to your child.
Habitual comforting actions often create an attachment to a comfort object. So, if this happens naturally for your little one, don't stop it! The attachment is not a weakness or an embarrassment; it is a way your little one soothes herself and begins building resilience.
Looking for a comfort object that is easy to take with you on the go? Check out Moonkie's Hug&Go™ Toddler Backpack! It is a nifty, lightweight toddler carrier with an adorable soft stuffie to be your little one's adventure buddy.
In terms of parent-friendly baby gear, this little toddler backpack is perfectly sized for tiny tots on their way into new environments, and it has a harness for the all-important comfort object, making it less likely for you to be asked to carry the backpack.
So, if you are on the hunt for a comfort object that won't drive you nuts, check the Hug&Go™ backpack out here!
What If My Toddler Doesn't Have a Comfort Object?
Some babies and toddlers never form an attachment to a particular object, but this is nothing to worry about. It may indicate that your little one feels comforted well enough with you and his other caretakers to be soothed in challenging situations and new environments without a comfort object.
One of my children was like this. He never took a pacifier and fixated on a different toy every day throughout babyhood and toddlerhood. In his case, we traveled and moved often, losing most of his toys and blankets in the process more than once.
A comfort object may have helped him cope with these changes, but he never developed a preference for one object. However, he took up a fascination with wheels. So, for every town outing, flight, road trip, stay with family, or significant change in setting or routine, I would hand him a toy with wheels to fidget with.
I was never separated from my son more than a few hours at a time, though, so perhaps he felt secure enough to make an object attachment unimportant. If you see a lot of behavioral issues or withdrawal in your little one, and he doesn't have a comfort object, talk to your pediatrician for pointers on ways to help your child feel secure.
Some insecure toddlers and young children may intentionally resort to misbehavior to get your attention. If this seems to fit your observations, read about ways to redirect that energy into more wholesome behavior in Do You See Me? Attention-Seeking Behavior in Young Children.
When Should I Wean My Child Off a Comfort Object?
You have likely heard or experienced how difficult weaning a baby off a pacifier, bottle, or breast can be. Weaning your little one off a comfort object can also result in an emotional rollercoaster. However, you don't have to wean your child off a comfort object as early as you may think.
When your child begins to leave their comfort object behind more often, they show less reliance on it and begin to wean themselves. In such cases, you can simply make the object slowly less visible in the daily routine, and your little one will likely move on one day without thinking about it.
But some children stubbornly cling to their comfort object to the point that it interferes with their well-being or daily routines (source). The clinginess may interrupt social relationships, eating, sleeping, or playing, causing anxiety whenever someone else touches the object (source).
Examples of this include a four-year-old needing a pacifier to sleep, a toddler chewing holes in his stuffie or blanket, or a kindergartener insisting on dragging her threadbare Blankie to school.
In situations like these, parents have often attempted to "gently" remove the comfort object by slowly introducing times without it, transitioning to a different age-appropriate object, or moving the object further and further away while still in sight, with no success, often landing back in Square 1 after a few days or weeks.
How Can I Wean My Child Off a Comfort Object?
So what can parents do? Natural consequences. Someday, that comfort object is going to become too worn out, get left behind, or get shredded by a pet. It will pass out of use by circumstances, and your child will grieve it.
When this happens, there will be a severe upset in routines, coping behaviors, and confidence in familiar and new environments. Your child will be forced to adapt to a new item or technique. But first, he will grieve it like he would a beloved family pet.
Instead of getting upset about this or chalking it up to drama, sit with your little one and grieve with him. That object represented the "almost-mom" comfort that soothed him through most of what he can remember right now.
By working with your little one as he grieves his comfort object, you are showing him how to handle big feelings and grief without it. This first lesson in grief is incremental in cultivating resilience in your child.
Read more ways to cultivate resilience in your child in Encouraging Resilience: 10 Effective Ways to Build Resilience From the Start.
5 Tips for Toddler Comfort Objects
Comfort objects are helpful in crucial transition points in your child's development, particularly during toddlerhood (18-36 months). They can also be a source of anxiety for parents who are frantic about their toddler being unable to nap because they forgot Blankie at home.
So, to help mitigate some parental anxiety while also reducing a toddler's severe attachment to a comfort object, here are a few hard-earned tips from my experience.
1. Have a Duplicate
Purchase a duplicate of your child's comfort object and frequently switch it out to minimize wear. This will also make it possible for you to clean the comfort object without disrupting your child's routine.
However, utilizing a duplicate comfort object is a double-edged sword. It offers convenience at the cost of your child learning natural inconveniences, like having to clean the object and learning to go without it at times.
Having to take breaks from a comfort object due to normal circumstances builds your child's resilience to eventually cope without the object. But if she has never been without her comfort object, you can count on weaning her from it being difficult.
On another note, your child's attachment to her comfort object is a unique connection that she takes very seriously, so you should, too. Don't belittle her for it or try to trick her with several duplicates. Moreover, don't be surprised if she notices a difference between duplicates and outright refuses them.
2. Introduce the Comfort Object In Stressful Situations
Most toddlers like to play and explore with their hands, so they are likely to leave their comfort object lying around. When you know something stressful is about to come up, like a doctor's appointment or a routine your toddler doesn't like (bathtime, nap time, cleanup), have that comfort object ready to "help."
It's not advisable to resort to the comfort object every time something stressful is about to happen because it will become a signal to your toddler to become anxious whenever you hand it to her. Just have it nearby so your toddler can face the initial stress first and then soothe with the comfort object.
Moreover, ensure you have a similar comfort object or something to fidget with calmly in your toddler's travel essentials, so you have a backup when on the road!
3. Make a Regular Comfort Object Cleanup Time
Cleaning a comfort object can be a real inconvenience, especially if you cannot do it during nap time or at night.
My favorite way around my toddlers' anxiety about this was to teach them how to handwash their comfort object. I would fill the sink with soapy water and let them scrub away for fun. Then, I would set up a "drying station" outside or in front of a fan in their room for nap time or bedtime.
This method worked like a charm!
4. Practice Doing Hard Things Near the Comfort Object But Not With It
Immediately handing your toddler's comfort object to him in a new environment or tough time robs your toddler of the chance to practice being without it. You shouldn't expect a toddler attached to a comfort object to operate without it, but you can wait until he asks for it.
It takes a lot of empathy on your part to understand what counts as "hard things" for your toddler, so pay close attention and listen actively.
5. Praise Your Toddler's Effort With or Without the Comfort Object
Whenever your toddler does something stressful for a few minutes before asking for the comfort object, praise his effort! Ideally, your toddler won't go into a meltdown or become scared, but being brave for a few minutes before asking for his buddy is a big step that should be praised.
Even when your toddler feels emboldened to try something new or face an uncomfortable situation because he is holding his comfort object, praise his attitude to try. Each win is a step toward confidence and resiliency!
In a Nutshell
Ultimately, every family is different. Some families love that their little ones use comfort objects, while others strive to avoid them. If your toddler becomes attached to a comfort object, don't sweat it! Your sweet kiddo is on a normal developmental path and learning to handle challenging situations.
