Though it is intended to be a half-step between being home and attending kindergarten, daycare and preschool are giant steps for little ones. Going from being home to being around other kids of a similar age and separated from you will likely spark a lot of new behaviors and struggles. What can you do?
You can help your toddler adjust to daycare or preschool by preparing his mind through familiarization, establishing a morning routine you will use during school days, getting ahead of emotional needs, supporting independence, and practicing a daily reflection time with your toddler.
These steps are easier said than done, so I've written out a few ideas for you from my own experience as a mother of three and a foster mom.
1. Familiarize and Prepare
The first step is putting yourself in your little one's shoes. Your toddler doesn't understand that you need to earn a paycheck or get things done; she simply understands whether you are with her or not.
To be dropped off in an unfamiliar place with strangers and other kids is not a fun adventure unless you are there for safety and comfort. Being dropped off and left may make your toddler feel like she won't see you again or that you've left her because you are upset!
However, you can prepare your little one by familiarizing her with the idea and place of daycare or preschool.
Visit the Preschool
The most obvious way to familiarize your toddler with the preschool or daycare is to take her for a visit. Let her meet the teachers, explore the toys, and meet another toddler.
After that initial visit, you can talk to your little one about some of the neat things you saw at the preschool or daycare to drum up some excitement for it.
Read Books About Preschool
Many adults don't remember preschool or daycare, so they may not be able to empathize with the fears and concerns their toddler has about attending one. One way around that is to read books about going to preschool or daycare.
Such books help put words to some of the big feelings your wee one may have while getting used to his new environment and schedule, and these stories will help remind you of how big a step this is for your toddler. It's easier to be patient and work through big feelings when you have taken some time to empathize!
Some of my favorite books to introduce little ones to daycare and preschool are:
"Pete the Kitty's First Day of Preschool" by Kimberly and James Dean
"Here I Come! Preschool, Here I Come!" by D. J. Steinberg
"Llama Llama Misses Mama" by Anna Dewdney
Reading books about the concepts your child will encounter in daycare and preschool fosters your little one's confidence while there, too. Read books about numbers, the alphabet, feelings, struggles with sharing, colors, and more. Every book introduces your little one to knowledge and ways to handle each situation.
Talk Positively About Preschool
Words are powerful, but the feeling behind them is even more powerful. Your toddler can tell when you feel nervous about something. So, if you talk about not wanting to be separated from your toddler, not trusting the staff, or avoid mentioning preschool or daycare at all, your toddler may struggle more at drop-off.
However, you can make the whole experience a lot smoother by talking about preschool or daycare, getting excited for the things your little one will learn, and listing positives that will come from it (new friends, crafts, recess, snacks, etc.).
Practice Short Separation Stints
One of the scariest feelings toddlers have when they see you walk away or discover that you are missing is the feeling that you may not come back to get them. You have been the source of comfort and confidence for your toddler's whole life, and now you are leaving her in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people. That is scary!
You can help your toddler face this fear by practicing short separation stints before the first day of daycare or preschool. Asking a family member or close and trusted friend to watch your little one for an hour or two here and there goes a long way toward building trust that you will always come back.
2. Establish Routines
Another way to help your toddler adjust to preschool or daycare is to establish routines. Toddlers enjoy routines because they offer the stability and predictability that make developing skills possible (source).
As with anything, though, too many routines may cause unnecessary struggles and conflicts, so ensure you have free time built into your schedule for creativity and imagination. Here are a few routines I found helpful in my toddler-parent days.
Create a Consistent Morning Routine
If you haven't created a morning routine yet, you may find that having one during daycare or preschool days is incredibly helpful. Not only does a morning routine make it easier to show up at the same time every day, but it also sets a pattern for your toddler to expect.
In the unceasing quest for independence, your toddler will likely balk and push back against your routine some days, but not having a routine at all will make your little one feel uneasy and unsure of what happens next.
Make a Fun Goodbye Habit
Creating a fun goodbye routine can make a stressful moment less bitter. It could be a silly handshake, a little game, or an affectionate wish for the day ahead.
I created a unique goodbye habit for each child. One of my kids wanted to do three rounds of thumb war that we would continue at pickup. Another kid wanted to do a silly animal hug every day. The youngest wanted me to tell him how much I love him in a goofy way ("I love you more than all the pizza in the world!")
These little goodbyes are adorable memories, but they also help your little one know that she is not being left on bad terms.
Make a Big Deal About Pickup
Making a big deal about pickup and seeing your little one again helps reinforce the idea that you desire to be with your toddler, which can calm your toddler's nerves. Kids want to feel wanted, so putting some energy into pickup will make your toddler feel loved and excited to see you.
Even something as simple as a big smile, hug, and kiss on the forehead will go a long way toward building your toddler's confidence for going to daycare or preschool.
3. Get Ahead of Emotional Needs
Big feelings come with toddler territory, but attending daycare or preschool amplifies those feelings. Going from being the only kid or one of a few kids at home to one in a larger group makes a massive difference in the amount of one-on-one attention your toddler gets in a day.
You can get ahead of these looming big feelings in a few ways.
Listen to Your Little One's Feelings and Fears
Giving your toddler your undivided attention for a few minutes after pickup each day will give your toddler a dependable time to share feelings and fears. I did this in two ways: 1) spending fifteen minutes with each child doing whatever they wanted to do, and 2) having a few minutes at bedtime to talk about anything.
By opening up my time this way, each kid opened up in surprising ways. Through playing with Lego guys with my son, I learned some struggles he was having with a bigger kid during the day. Through picking flowers with my daughter, I learned about some things she wished she had that another girl had and got compliments on.
The evening chats are when my toddlers tend to talk about their fears. Yes, I always had somewhere to be or something to do, but these times spent with my kids were too critical to pass up. The dishes could wait!
Your little one will take to heart whatever you say during tender times like these. Learn more about building confidence and identity in Be Careful Mommy Daddy What You Say: Building Your Child's Identity.
Get a Comfort Object
Some tiny tots struggle more than others with leaving home, so a comfort object from home that boosts confidence is an incredibly handy toddler travel essential (source).
A comfort object can be anything from a blanket to a stuffed animal to a bottle, but some daycares and preschools may have restrictions on what you can send with your toddler. Moonkie created an adorable toddler backpack with a cozy stuffed animal buddy to help your little one leave home with confidence.
Your toddler can strap his stuffie buddy into his Hug&Go™ backpack to get ready to go physically, mentally, and emotionally. Moreover, this lightweight toddler carrier is perfectly sized for wee ones who just need to carry a few things.
In foster care, I had several toddlers who were afraid to leave home. Some were afraid of being left somewhere, while others were scared of daycare and preschool. Some just didn't want to leave!
However, I soon discovered that having a little toddler backpack for each little one to pack in the morning helped prepare and even excite them about loading up in the van for "school." Back then, I would let them choose one stuffie to stuff in the front pocket or out of the top.
Unfortunately, the stuffie would fall out or the contents of the big pocket would spill out, resulting in my returning to the daycare or preschool some days. I wish I had Moonkie's Hug&Go™ backpacks for those toddlers!
Everything would have stayed in place while the kids played with their strapped-in animal buddies during the drive--no need to pull them out. It's brilliant items like this that make the difference between normal baby/toddler essentials and parent-friendly baby gear that toddlers love!
Be Positive and Enthusiastic
Your attitude shapes far more of your child's reality and perspective on the world than you know. Parents with a positive and enthusiastic attitude toward daycare and preschool opportunities and experiences are more likely to have toddlers excited about those same things.
Being positive and enthusiastic means parents are interested in and excited about being involved in their children's early education, which typically results in early wins, such as (source):
a love for learning
great communication and language skills
deeper social and emotional development
better classroom behavior
boosted academic performance
4. Support Independence
From around 18 to 36 months old, your little one is on a mission to explore independence from you (source). As frustrating as this stage of tantrums, big feelings, and rapid changes in desires can be, it is a critical period of development.
In the quest for independence and testing the boundaries, your little one needs your support. The way you react makes a lasting impact on whether your toddler will be able to trust in her decisions or feel shame and doubt. Learn about ways to handle tantrums in The Ultimate Guide to Toddler Tantrums: How to Handle Them Like a Pro.
Encourage Your Toddler to Get Ready for the Day
One way to help your toddler exercise independence (and convince herself that she is ready to go) is by letting her pack her own toddler backpack. She may stuff a ton of things in there, but the fact that she packed her bag means she is ready to go.
Some toddlers will gladly pack their bags with their idea of toddler travel essentials and outright refuse to go to daycare or preschool. In such cases, having a stuffie buddy that always goes to "school" is nifty because that stuffie "needs to go to school and is worried about being late. Can you help?"
Sometimes, inviting your toddler to be the helper is all she needs to hear! If, however, your toddler makes getting ready to go a fight, you may be dealing with attention-seeking behavior. Read this article for more: Do You See Me? Attention-Seeking Behavior in Young Children.
Display Your Toddler's Work at Home
Displaying your toddler's daycare or preschool work at home is an excellent way to show off your excitement for his hard work. Imagine the confidence boost your toddler will have in the classroom, knowing that you are going to love hanging it up at home!
Emphasize your toddler's hard work and can-do attitude more than the finished result to keep him focused on effort rather than things. This is one way you can foster a desire to learn in your toddler. Learn more ways in Engaging Your Young Child to Learn Anything.
5. Practice a Daily Reflection Time
Reflecting over the day and what everyone did while away from home contributes to a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction with effort. It also clarifies what needs to happen tomorrow and how the family can help each other.
The easiest way to do this for most young families is at dinner time. Sure, dinner with a toddler can be too hectic to talk much, but making a habit of sharing about one's day and asking questions at this time will make dinner more calm and connected.
Another connection time is right before bedtime. After the hustle of dinner, cleanup, and bathtime, taking a few minutes (you could even set a timer) to reflect on the day is an excellent way to calm your little one down before lights out.
Keep a Family Reflection Calendar
My favorite way to reflect on the day is to write a few things down on a family calendar. I sit down with them each evening right before bedtime and ask, "What happened today?"
Even the toddlers get excited about adding something about their day to the calendar. As you continue this tradition, you'll be able to look back through the years to see what your kids remember. It's a fun tradition that makes every kid feel loved and known, even when they have been gone for most of the day.
For really shy foster toddlers who are attached to a stuffed animal or toy, I find that asking what their buddy did today is a wonderful way to help them open up. Having Moonkie's adorable Hug&Go™ toddler backpack would make creating such adventures to tell even more doable!
In a Nutshell
Most parents have likely forgotten what a colossal step leaving our parents was as a toddler. However, with a bit of empathy and preparation, parents can help their little ones adjust swimmingly!
