Parenting is rough. Can we all agree on that? No other task on this planet requires you to respond gently and gracefully to being pooped on, thrown up on, or smacked in the face repeatedly. We know we can't be perfect, but how can we get up day after day to run the gauntlet of parenthood well?
Sustainable parenting means raising your kids, taking care of necessities, and doing life in a way that doesn't lead to burnout, blowups, or crying in a closet. Some hacks for busy moms and dads include sleeping like you should, saying no more often, and keeping a calendar record for reflection.
Parenting doesn't have to be overwhelming or stressful day in and day out. We've got a few ideas you can try to take it all in stride.
What Is Sustainable Parenting?
Taking care of yourself and your family can be a challenging balancing act. Between work, chores, feedings, changings, and playtimes, you've got a lot going on, and that list only gets longer as your baby grows or as you have more kids.
Sustainable parenting is the quest to preserve yourself while caring for your family. It's less about going green and more about doing life well with munchkins while you make smart choices for yourself.
Since you don't do a great job of parenting while being at the end of your rope, you've got to take care of yourself. It's a circle that quickly devolves into a vicious cycle if not properly maintained, as you may know already.
How Do You Know When You Are Not Parenting Sustainably?
Seasoned parents already know the answer to this, but for the sake of completion and expecting parents who have yet to experience the struggle, here are a few warning signs that you're burning out or not parenting sustainably.
having a quick temper (How dare you drop that cup again!)
being easily annoyed (That flashing light has got to stop!)
feeling apathetic (I don't care that my baby has been in the swing for two hours.)
dreading the routine (The baby is getting up soon; I hate this nonstop cycle.)
refusing to get up (Sleep is all I want.)
ignoring your baby's signals sometimes (She's going to cry anyway.)
often choosing to do endless chores instead of bonding with your baby (I have to...)
pushing off whatever you can (I can take out the trash tomorrow.)
leaving home creates anxiety (What if I don't have...)
This list is far from comprehensive, but you get the point. You know you are not balancing self-care, parenting, work, and life necessities well when you live in a constant state of anxiety, dread, worry, apathy, frustration, anger, or annoyance.
Yes, a chemical or hormonal imbalance in your body will lead to similar feelings and struggles, but even then, practicing a few good habits of self-care and planning ahead will lessen the impact your struggles have on your family.
9 Hacks for Busy Moms and Dads
Sustainable parenting doesn't have to be overwhelming or stressful. By making a few simple changes to your family's lifestyle, you can reap many benefits while also living in line with your values.
Here are nine sustainable parenting hacks that are totally doable with some forethought:
1. Prioritize Sleep
Though getting enough sleep with a baby around seems akin to moving mountains with a shovel, adequate sleep is one of the most powerful things you can do to parent more sustainably. Being well-rested makes you more patient, observant, and willing to do everything that is parenting.
So, what does it take? For me, it was getting off screens around 8:30 every evening and shutting off the lights by 9:30. I know; that sounds ridiculous. But with my second baby waking up two times every night and waking for good at 6:00 AM until she was nine months old, I had to do something.
Every baby and parent is different, so work it out at the times that make sense for you. Set a time to put away screens and set a consistent alarm. It helps to wake up at the same time every day, even if your baby wakes more often some nights (source). After a couple of weeks, your body will get used to it.
During the day, you can take a nap while your baby sleeps. That time is precious for getting things done efficiently, but sleep helps keep your nerves and frustration at bay. If you have a toddler or older kid to keep an eye on, then try just taking it easy (and yes, I am well aware of how impossible that can be).
I started a "quiet time" for my oldest during my second baby's afternoon nap. Sometimes he napped, but he usually looked through books and played with blocks and cars in his room without any problems.
2. Stop Watching Screens So Much
Time yourself--really. Seeing how much time you stare at a screen will be one of the scariest numbers you see after how much was cut out of your paycheck for taxes last year.
Aside from keeping you awake, spending a lot of time scrolling on your phone or watching TV can keep you from exercising, knocking things off your to-do list, or connecting with your baby.
Research in 2020 found that the average American spent seven hours a day looking at a screen, and that time increased dramatically during the pandemic (source). We also know from research that increased screen time is a leading cause of declining physical and psychological health, as well as sleep (source).
Limiting your own screen time is essential for your physical and mental well-being. Besides, whatever your baby grows up seeing you do in your free time will likely affect the way she spends her free time later in life. You are always teaching by example.
Learn more about how your child learns from your behavior with observational learning in Be Careful, Mommy, Daddy, What You Say: Building Your Child's Identity.
3. Go Outside
"Get out and exercise" is said so much that it has become a cliche, but it is true. Getting out to exercise at least 150 minutes a week helps adults manage their weight, stress, anxiety, and mental health (source). Exercise also helps decrease cravings (source).
Parenting is stressful and exhausting, so the last thing sleep-deprived parents want to do is go outside for a walk. But, if you think of it as a chance to refresh everyone and redirect your baby's fussiness, then you may actually look forward to it as a family habit.
Besides, establishing a habit of going outside for a while most days is fantastic for setting healthy habits for your baby's future.
Going outside for sunshine, fresh air, and exercise is just one way that taking care of yourself sets your child up for healthy habits. Learn a few more in How Much Does Taking Care of Myself Help My Baby?
4. Say No
Have you ever heard of Essentialism? Not the philosophy but the lifestyle. The goal of an essentialist lifestyle is to do less in order to focus on what really matters. It means saying "no" to most of the extra events and opportunities out there.
Before kids, it's easy to say "yes" to opportunities for work, travel, parties, or hanging out. When you add a little one to the mix, it's not impossible to do those things, but they certainly become a lot more stressful.
Instead of accepting every invitation that comes your way, try pulling back to just a couple of things every week. Set a routine at home that allows you to take your time and enjoy each other. You may find that your stress and frustration levels come down when there's less to rush off to.
5. Practice Gratitude
When each of my babies was born, I started a journal for them. I write a letter of encouragement to them on birthdays, major holidays, and whenever I think of something I want them to remember. One day, I'll give these journals to them as adults.
My purpose for this is gratitude and history. I don't want to forget the goofy things they've done or the marvelous ways they've grown, and I want to share the thankfulness I feel as I parent them. Should they have kids in the future and face the same struggles I face today, I want them to know it's all going to work out.
Or if something happens to me, I want them to know how much I loved them and the memories I cherished. Knowing these could help them through tough seasons later in life. What I didn't expect from this exercise is how much joy and restfulness it gives me while writing these letters or reading back through them. It's worth the time!
6. Choose Quality Over Quantity
Quality food, toys, clothes, and experiences always go further than quantity. Invest in durable, eco-friendly items that will last a long time rather than constantly buying new things that will quickly wear out or become dated. Quality food helps your mind and body, too.
Choosing quality is often more expensive in the short term, but it's more frugal in the long term. Think of the cost per use. If you spend $100 on shoes that you wear for 800 miles, you will pay 12.5 cents per mile. But if you spend $30 on shoes that only last for 200 miles, you will have spent 15 cents per mile.
Likewise, spending $100 on a set of high-quality, skill-building toys for your baby makes sense if your little one is going to play with it for years and pass it on to future siblings, whereas $5 on a cheap plastic toy that gets thrown away after a couple of months is not worth the cost per use.
For some ideas on how to make your dollar work by cost per use, read The Ultimate Guide to Reusable Essential Baby Products.
7. Focus on Improving By 1%
We all become frustrated with ourselves for not doing the things we said we would do. Maybe you couldn't go to that birthday party because your baby got sick, or you haven't lost the baby weight from your first pregnancy that you thought you would have by now.
As a parent, you hold the weight of the world on your shoulders and may hold yourself to a ridiculously high standard. Fixating on big goals is not the way to improve sustainably. That can lead to burnout, frustration, bitterness, or low self-esteem.
Instead, focus only on the next right step. What can you do today to get just 1% closer to your goal? Even if you take a week to improve 1%, those 1%'s add up quickly! Seeing that you are indeed improving helps you stave off so many mental struggles.
If you find that you are predisposed to having low self-esteem or frustration with yourself, try taking a break from social media. I know it's drastic, but removing yourself from the easiest way to compare yourself to others may improve your mental state, give you control over your thoughts, and give you time to focus.
8. Have a Regular Date Night
Having a regular date night allows you and your partner to rest together and focus on your relationship, which understandably gets strained with a baby around. It doesn't have to be weekly or even biweekly to be effective, so no worries if you can't find a babysitter that often.
Finding scraps of time to spend together at home is also excellent for your relationship. For example, having a 30-minute coffee break together while the baby naps, or hanging out at the end of the day when your little one goes down for the night, gives you time to unwind together.
If you're a morning person, wake up early to enjoy a hot drink together. Whatever it takes! Little ones who grow up watching their parents not only love one another but also like being with one another, go on to live healthier lives physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially (source).
Moreover, your little one will learn how to treat a partner and how a spouse should treat her by watching your relationship (source). When confrontations happen, do it in a loving and respectful way to show your little one how to manage conflict. You'll see the fruit of your self-control as she builds relationships with others.
9. Avoid Blowing Up in Anger
Yelling, throwing things, and slamming doors are terrifying to little ones, whether this behavior is directed at them or at someone else. If you are in this habit or tend toward it, learn to control it and handle your anger in other ways.
Acting out in anger like this can cause toxic stress in your little one, which will likely result in behavioral problems, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, stress, and other issues down the road (source). Aside from that, your child will not know how to appropriately handle his own anger toward others.
The way you act at home and the way you treat your child today lay the foundation for your child's emotional wellbeing, habits, and relationship skills. If you need help learning self-control in your anger, stress, anxiety, or frustration, seek help sooner rather than later. Kids will push your buttons!
Dads and the way they manage their anger are especially impactful on children. If you're a dad in search of ways to bond with your baby, check out Bonding with Your Baby: Why Dads are Just as Important as Moms.
Tips and Tricks for Parenting a Baby and Toddler Sustainably
Once the newness of having a newborn again wears off (which happens much faster with the second one), you may be struck by the reality of parenting a baby and a toddler simultaneously. How are parents supposed to do this without losing their minds?
Sustainably parenting a baby and a toddler has intense moments that can quickly spiral out of control. However, with patience, planning, and persistence, you can survive the differing schedules, random mishaps, and tantrums with nerves to spare.
Coming from experience in this myself (plus a few more), I know the long nights, unexpected monkey wrenches thrown into carefully laid-out plans, and seemingly little connection with other beings that will treat you as a human. So here are the tips and tricks that saw me through these trying times.
Managing a Newborn and a Toddler Without Losing Your Mind
There's no way to predict or prepare for what two versus one feels like at home, especially if your toddler is observant and reserves most of her mischievousness for when you are outnumbered. However, managing a newborn and a toddler becomes a heck of a lot easier when you are two steps ahead.
I'm talking about setting times for snacks, naps, and activities to aim for, preparing activities the night before to fill in the gaps, changing the setting at least twice a day, and having a few extra cards up your sleeve for particularly challenging days.
Let's hash these out.
How Do I Watch Two Kids at the Same Time?
Watching two young kids of different ages at the same time is tricky at first, but you can save yourself a lot of precious effort later by creating a loose schedule, establishing simple rules, and enforcing them firmly and patiently.
Your toddler is likely all about pushing the boundaries right now, while your infant is growing and observing everything. Setting clear, simple rules for your toddler, with logical consequences for breaking them, will help you teach your toddler.
However, your toddler will soon realize that the best time to misbehave is when you are busy with the baby. To avoid this mutiny, stay one step ahead by preparing activity bags or some kind of toddler-only toy that your little one loves and setting it out when you are with the baby.
Check out some excellent gift sets with toys for babies and toddlers here!
Another thing you can do is give your toddler a baby job. Think of something your toddler can find, bring to you, or tell the baby while you feed, change, or soothe her. You may be surprised at how helpful your toddler wants to be!
I found that stocking a lower cabinet with snacks that my toddler could carry easily was a favorite helper errand. My son would happily bring a snack for himself and me while I was feeding the baby, even if he was in the midst of a breakdown.
How Can I Maintain a Schedule with a Toddler and a Newborn?
Believe it or not, maintaining a schedule with a toddler and newborn is possible—not every day, but most days. The key is setting regular points of activities throughout the day and leaving the rest fairly open. Let's call that open space in your schedule "margin."
I quickly learned that strict schedules would not work for my family. We were stretched thin between work, family, volunteering, my husband's studies, helping with tasks at the family farm, and making the day-to-day chores happen.
What was doable was setting activity points for naps, snacks, meals, bedtime routines, and reading time throughout the day. Come hell or high water, I structured everything around those points. Most importantly, I let myself say "no" to anything that overlapped those points.
In those first months, this is what the activity points looked like:
Time |
Activity |
Typical Length with Preparation and Cleanup |
7 am |
Breakfast |
30 minutes |
9:30 am |
Morning snack |
15 minutes |
10 am |
Baby's nap and toddler time |
1 hour |
12 pm |
Lunch |
30 minutes |
1 pm |
Afternoon nap for everyone |
2.5 hours |
3:30 pm |
Afternoon snack and reading |
20 minutes |
6 pm |
Dinner |
1 hour |
7 pm |
Bedtime routine |
30 minutes |
7:30 pm |
Bedtime |
10 minutes |
This will look different for every family based on how well and when your baby and toddler nap, your work schedule, how quickly you cook, and numerous other factors.
I defaulted to these points because they broke the day into doable goal points, with 1 to 2.5 hours of margin for other things that fluctuate in daily life.
I used those spaces to prepare baby food ahead of time, go on walks, run to the library, buy groceries, attend doctor's appointments, change the oil, and anything else that popped up.
What Can I Do When Things Don't Go According to Plan?
Try as we might, life happens. You could break a bone, crash the car, attend a funeral, get sick, or anything else, and throw off the whole day with ripples of difficulty felt in the coming days and weeks. Though I cannot speak to your situation in the face of the crazy difficulties, I can share tips for recovering after typical interruptions.
One of the most common interruptions is the baby's teething or constipation. Whenever my baby was teething or fussy and couldn't nap, I would simply wear her around and take care of the more active things for that day. I would often talk with her, change her view, and change settings from inside to outside or from room to room.
Doing so helped me continue getting things done, helped her see other things, and eventually got her to sleep. So, even if we missed that precious morning nap, we would catch it up in the margin before lunch or keep going to the afternoon nap.
Visits from friends and family were another common interruption to the schedule. For the sake of toddler tempers and my sanity, I would stick to this schedule, and the kids fell in line. Of course, things could be thrown off by 30 minutes or more, but I would just roll with it and let that extra 30 minutes come out of margin time.
What Can I Do with Bedtimes?
Every family has different bedtime expectations. Most parents don't get to spend time together with their kids until the evening, or have evening activities that end much later than my 7:30 pm bedtime listed above. Either way, the biggest question is: Should I put both kids down at the same time?
Following a bedtime routine where you bathe both or one at a time, provide a healthy bedtime snack, and do a quiet evening activity together is ideal, but not always doable.
I set a bedtime routine I could handle on my own within 30 minutes, but I also had a "late night" routine for those days when we got home late. In my experience, toddlers have more trouble with the quick routine but are typically so tired that they quickly fall asleep afterward.
So, you can plan for a short late-night routine, but know that it will require extra patience on your end. If your little ones share the same room, I've got several ideas you can try to make it smoother in this article: Bedtime Tips for Young Siblings Close in Age Sharing a Room.
What Are Some Age-appropriate Activities that Entertain a Toddler and a Baby?
Now, let's discuss activities for margin time at home. The trick is keeping them age-appropriate for your toddler and safe for your baby to watch or join in.
In an effort to keep things simpler, I divided these into activities your baby can watch your toddler do and activities you can do together.
Baby Can Watch:
Finger painting
Kneading bread
Playdough
Sensory bins with little pieces
Coloring
Climbing
Playground
Cleaning
Cooking
Simple crafts
Brushing a pet
Building a fort
Playing a sport
Baby Can Participate:
Baby sensory bin
Large LEGO blocks
Wooden block set
Playing in water (with you)
Reading
Tummy time
Going for a walk
Visiting the library
Looking for items you name
Hide and seek
Dancing to music
Picking flowers (with you)
Playing outside
You can find many more ideas, ranging from simple to complex, online. Connecting with other families will also bring plenty of ideas and play dates to mix things up in your daily life.
How Can I Keep Up with the Chores with a Baby and a Toddler?
Chores come in never-ending waves of monotony, especially with a toddler quickly undoing whatever you just did and a baby keeping you sleep-deprived. There are many free tips online to help you keep up with chores without going nuts or feeling like you are always cleaning.
Here are a few that worked for me:
Make your bed when you wake up; it's a small win in a short time.
Do the dishes after each meal so you don't end up with an overwhelming mess.
Clean the kitchen as you cook to make cleanup afterward easier.
Don't do all the chores in one day--do dusting one day, bathrooms another, and floors another day.
Laundry is a daily thing for a while — do small batches you can put away quickly.
Set a timer for general chores (not kitchen) each day, and don't go over it (I did 20 minutes).
Involve your toddler in cleanup time (songs, rewards, praise).
Use bins where you can to make cleanup easier.
Clear surfaces (tables, desks, countertops, shelves) of clutter.
Throw out clutter regularly — you probably won't need it.
Be okay with your house looking like someone lives there — perfection is exhausting.
No one can keep up with the chores 100% of the time, so give yourself some slack! If you feel like you fill your free time up with chores most of the time, try setting a timer for cleanup outside of the kitchen and letting yourself play with your kids or rest afterward. Chores are not as important as your children.
6 Tips for Making Time for Yourself with a Toddler and a Baby
Parenting young children will repeatedly bring you to the brink of exhaustion and your wit's end. However, you can (and probably should) make time to prevent burnout.
These won't work for everyone or every situation, but perhaps you can try one or two to wrangle up some free time for rest.
1. Ask for Help
Reach out to trusted family members or friends who have offered to babysit or help with the kids, even if it's just for a short while.
If you don't have anyone nearby, look for a community nursery or short-term childcare that offers to watch your kids while you do something restful or enjoyable.
For example, many churches offer childcare during service hours or a couple of weekday evenings. Likewise, some gyms provide childcare services while you work out. Ensure the space is clean, age-appropriate, and child-safe, and led by at least two adults who have cleared background checks.
2. Coordinate Nap Times
Coordinating nap times is a serious time saver, but it is easier said than done. Synchronizing your toddler and baby's afternoon nap is the best and most consistent way to provide a moment of peace every day.
I managed this by drawing the curtains around the house, turning on a box fan, and rocking the baby to sleep just after 1 pm every day. My toddler was allowed to play quietly or read books, but conked out within 20 minutes most days.
Even now that my children are older, I still require an hour-long quiet time after lunch cleanup because it resets everyone's attitudes and prepares everyone for the afternoon's activities.
3. Make Bedtime Earlier for Kids
Some parents feel they have no time for themselves because their children stay up until 10 or 11 pm. If that is your family culture, by all means, go for it. That's not how my family rolls because we are early birds.
So, I worked bedtime from the original 8:45 pm back to 7:30 pm when my second was born. For one, I knew my first two would share a room for a while, so I needed them to be on the same schedule. For another, my toddler was fussy and upset after dinner anyway, so I knew he needed more sleep.
After a rough first month, everything smoothed out and worked wonderfully so that my husband and I had a little time together before feeding the baby again and passing out for the night. Granted, this won't work for everyone, but it is doable for the early birds out there.
4. Utilize Screen Time Strategically
Screen time ought to be limited — ideally, babies younger than 18 months should have none at all (source). However, you may need to employ a few minutes of screen time now and then to rest in a pinch.
For example, shutting your eyes during your baby's morning nap time to manage a headache is not a bad time to put on a toddler TV show for 20 or 30 minutes. Other times, a short screen time break is helpful, including when you're sick, mopping the floors, handling a serious phone call, or cleaning up a big mess you don't want your toddler running through.
At any rate, toddlers shouldn't watch more than an hour of TV a day, so try to limit screen time as much as possible (source). It is an incredibly tempting crutch. Learn more in Toddlers and TV: How Much Screen Time Is Okay?
5. Encourage Independent Play
Yes, independent play is possible! Your toddler will soon play independently often and even involve his sibling as the baby grows in ability and communication skills.
You can encourage independent play by preparing safe play spaces or activity boxes with toys your toddler hasn't seen in a while. Are you struggling with tantrums instead of enjoying independent play? Read The Ultimate Guide to Toddler Tantrums: How to Handle Them Like a Pro for ideas.
6. Take Turns Providing Date Night
Another helpful way to gain free time for yourself is to trade date nights or free time with other parents. Take on all the kids for a few hours every week or month and trade off with the other parent.
Planning something fun with all the kids is a treat on some days and challenging to manage on other days, but it's worth it for the break! Moreover, you're helping another tired parent out.
In a Nutshell
Sustainable parenting is about finding a balance between caring for yourself and your family while living in line with your values. By making small changes to your family's lifestyle and planning ahead, you can simplify your life and lead a healthier, more fruitful life.
