The Ultimate Guide to Handling a Picky Eater: Toddler Edition

Don't you love it when you work your tail off to cook a delicious meal you're sure everyone will enjoy, only to see your toddler reject it? No? Of course not! What's the deal with picky eaters? Why do they like carrots one day, just to hate them the next?

Toddlers learn to express independence in multiple ways, but the only two areas they have nearly complete control of are using the bathroom and eating. Sometimes, picky eating is an expression of that newfound independence, but it can also be a sensory issue, stress, or gut discomfort.

In this article, we'll discuss picky eating challenges, ways to overcome them, and the age-old questions most parents face during this phase.

Picky Eater Problems

When your baby goes from an enthusiastic eater willing to try anything to a picky eater snubbing half of what you offer him, it's natural to feel concerned, frustrated, and confused (not necessarily in that order). What is going on?

Picky eating may result from being introduced to lumpy foods after 9 months, pressure to eat, eating something different from the parents most of the time, problems with swallowing or breastfeeding early on, and parents worrying excessively about why their baby or toddler isn't eating enough (source).

If none of these possibilities suit your toddler's case, read on!

Is It Normal for my Toddler to be a Picky Eater?

Yes! Around 25-35% of toddlers and preschoolers are considered picky eaters by their parents (source). Though "picky eater" hasn't been defined qualitatively, parents of picky eaters know what it means!

Picky eating can appear seemingly overnight. Some parents say their child becomes a picky eater after experiencing a stomach bug or illness that makes eating difficult. Others say picky eating develops gradually through a series of pressured eating times, food-related punishments, or unpleasant food experiences.

However it begins, picky eating is normal and can certainly be dealt with. But if picky eating is accommodated without question early on, it will likely become a lifelong habit (source).

What Are Some Common Reasons Why Toddlers Are Picky Eaters?

There are several reasons why toddlers may be picky eaters. One common reason is a natural preference for sweet or salty foods. Toddlers have more taste buds than adults and may be more sensitive to certain tastes (source).

Another reason may be a fear of new foods, which, believe it or not, is a natural part of a child's development. Toddlers may also become extremely picky if they go through a growth spurt or experience teething pain, especially when cutting molars. You may see your toddler picking out the sweet stuff or eating less during these times.

3 Possible Underlying Issues for Extremely Picky Eaters

Some toddlers exhibit extreme rejection behaviors toward specific foods, such as complete meltdowns, throwing food, screaming, or making themselves dry-heave. You may see this in dramatic personalities or in foster or adopted children with past trauma.

Whatever the cause, extremely picky eaters may have deeper issues underlying their pickiness. If you identify any of the following, talk to your pediatrician about things you can do to help your toddler.

Sensory Issues

Some children may have uncontrollable sensory issues that make certain textures, tastes, smells, or sensations in their mouths unappealing. Kids with trauma or abuse in their past may have sensory sensitivities to something in the room or the way they are seated at the table.

You don't know until you've observed similar behaviors triggered by the same thing. In some cases, it's an easy fix: puree the food, cut it into smaller pieces, or cook it differently. However, the root cause is occasionally much deeper and needs a professional's guidance.

Food Allergies and Intolerances

Some picky eaters may have food allergies that limit their food choices. But, you may not be aware that your child is being picky due to a reaction because she cannot communicate what she feels.

Here are some signs of an allergic reaction to look for:

• skin reactions: a rash or hives, especially around the mouth

• digestive problems: vomiting, diarrhea, lots of gas, or abdominal pain

• respiratory symptoms: wheezing, coughing, or difficulty breathing

• facial swelling: swelling of the face, lips, or tongue

• Anaphylaxis: the above symptoms grow worse quickly until shock occurs

If your child struggles to breathe or her allergy symptoms progress quickly, take her to the ER. But if your toddler shows signs of a mild allergic reaction, talk to your pediatrician.

The next step will likely be testing to determine the specific allergen causing your child's symptoms so you can avoid that food in the future.

Other Developmental Issues

Mealtimes are one of the times we learn the most about our little ones, their personalities, their likes and dislikes, and their struggles. That's why extreme picky eating can be concerning, especially in tandem with observations you've made in other areas of your child's development.

If your toddler consistently falls behind developmental milestones and exhibits extreme or odd behavior during mealtimes, reach out to your pediatrician to share your concerns. Diagnoses like autism are not typically given until after three years of age, but keeping notes is helpful.

If you leave for work around mealtime, your young toddler may act out by being picky or fussing during that meal, even on days when you stay home. This would fall under separation anxiety. Read How to Handle Separation Anxiety in Your One-Year-Old for ideas on how to correct it healthily.

10 Tips for Handling Your One-Year-Old's Picky Eating

Dealing with a picky eater adds extra stress to your day. Moreover, your toddler can't talk or reason with you, especially when they're busy asserting their independence. Learning to handle mealtime challenges and nourish your child while respecting taste preferences is tough!

Here are a few tips to help you provide your picky eater with a balanced diet:

1. Offer a Variety of Healthy Foods

Introduce your toddler to a wide range of foods from different food groups, cultures, and styles. Don't be afraid to explore or really get into it! Throwing out uneaten food is not ideal, but consistently offering well-rounded meals in appropriate serving sizes is crucial for establishing lifelong good eating habits.

Moreover, the more you enjoy what you eat, the more likely your little one will want to join you.

2. Be Patient

It can take several tries for a child to learn to like a new food, so don't give up after the first attempt! Creating a new eating habit can take 21-30 opportunities or more.

One of my children refused Chinese dumplings and fried rice for two years, but he eventually caved and tried them because the rest of us enjoyed them so often. Now I can't give him enough!

Your child may never like certain foods, and that is totally okay. What you should avoid is raising your child solely on gummy snacks, apple juice, and peanut butter crackers. It takes consistency and patience, but your child will likely find some healthy foods she loves!

3. Stick to a Routine

Offer meals and snacks often throughout the day to help your child develop a sense of structure and predictability (think three meals and two snacks). This goes right along with the routines parents often set for bedtimes, nap times, and goodbyes.

Young children have very little control, but they can control eating and using the bathroom, and most kids figure that out in their second year. So, by creating a routine, you can help get your independent tot into the idea of eating before you actually offer the food.

4. Be a Role Model

Your wee one is more likely to nibble on new foods if she sees you eating them, too! Offering your toddler peas when you hate peas and avoiding them yourself is like telling someone they are wrong for doing something while you are doing it.

Toddlers are surprisingly sharp after watching you for more than a year, so you won't be able to fool them for long with any "Do as I say, not as I do" habits.

5. Get Creative

Try presenting foods in different ways, like cutting them into fun shapes, arranging them on a colorful plate, stacking them, or making faces.

You may overcome that initial resistance if you can make the food interactive (dips, building something, drawing with sauce).

6. Avoid Distractions

Keep mealtime focused on eating and connecting with one another. Allowing your toddler to watch TV or play with toys while eating can lead to messes, frustration, or no eating at all.

Besides, instilling a healthy habit of connecting with loved ones around food is brilliant. The alternative is mindlessly snacking on calories while staring at a screen or getting busy and forgetting to eat altogether.

7. Make Mealtime Fun

If your child is super picky, you can try playing a game with the food, telling a story, or singing a song. Creating a positive atmosphere will help you stay calm and keep your little one engaged in something other than complaining.

Besides, who doesn't enjoy dinner and a show?

8. Cook Together

Obviously, your toddler should not be near hot ovens, boiling water, or sharp knives, but finding something your little one can do to contribute to the meal is a fantastic way to get her excited about food.

This could be kneading bread dough, putting raw veggies or fruit on each plate, or watching from a chair while you cook.

9. Don't Force Your Child to Eat

The worst thing you could do is force your toddler to eat. Picky eaters can be stubborn and rude, but parents should never let it become a power struggle. Ever sit at the table for hours as a kid, trying to outlast your parents over eating broccoli? 

That's a power struggle, and as your child gets older and wiser, it becomes a way to manipulate, make deals, or get at you by controlling your time. Force won't do anything productive in the long run, so avoid it.

10. Don't Give Up 

Picky eating is normal for most toddlers at some point, and up to 35% of them will become picky eaters for life (source). The others will eventually grow out of it if it's not blown up into a fight or scary thing.

Keep offering a variety of foods, make trying new foods a fun experience, and be patient with your child's progress. Avoid talking to others about all the foods your child won't eat because, if your toddler grows up hearing that, he will likely decide that's just the way it is and create a self-fulfilling prophecy!

If you have more burning questions about handling those infamous toddler tantrums, check out The Ultimate Guide to Toddler Tantrums: How to Handle Them Like a Pro.

5 Fun Food Ideas for Picky Toddlers

Managing your toddler's pickiness can be grueling some days. Having a few flexible menu options that are easy to cook with your toddler's participation makes mealtime on the long days run a bit smoother.

Here are a few of my go-to toddler recipes:

1. Smoothie Bowls

Smoothie bowls are easy to prepare, let your toddler make her own choices, and pack lots of fruit and veggies into one delicious meal. A smoothie bowl is blended fruits and veggies topped with fun toppings like granola, chia seeds, or fresh fruit slices.

If you want to excite your toddler, you can let her choose from various fruits and veggies you have set out and help put them into the blender. When it's ready, let her add her own toppings.

2. Mini Homemade Pizzas

It doesn't take long for toddlers to jump onto the "I love pizza" train. So, one thing you can do with a picky eater is make mini homemade pizzas with pita bread or English muffins as the base. Take a few minutes to set everything up before letting your toddler put together his own pizza.

Help him spread tomato sauce on the base and sprinkle shredded cheese on top. Then, offer lots of colorful veggie choices for extra nutrition, such as chopped peppers, mushrooms, dried tomatoes, olives, or spinach.

As you build your mini pizzas together, talk about the beautiful colors, how good they are for you, and how tasty they are. Your little one will warm up to mini pizzas the more you make them!

3. Quesadillas

Quesadillas are another fun and easy meal to customize! You can set up a few different bowls of chopped veggies, meat, and shredded cheese. Then, give your toddler a bowl and ask her to fill it with anything she wants in her quesadilla.

If she's particularly picky about what she puts into her quesadilla, that's okay! Just showing her what all you put into yours and talking about how good it is (maybe even sharing a bite) every time you have quesadillas will slowly make her more interested in adding other things.

You can even go a step further by adding toppings like guacamole, salsa, chopped lettuce, tomatoes, pico de gallo, sour cream, cheese, or anything else you have on hand!

4. Yogurt Cups

Another fantastic snack is loaded yogurt cups. These are highly customizable, but you need to start by choosing a yogurt that isn't already loaded with sugar. My family purchases plain Greek yogurt and sweetens it with honey or fruit. 

Greek yogurt is packed with essential protein and probiotics, so adding nutrition with natural ingredients is simple. You can make a small yogurt bar by setting out prepared fruits, granola, honey, and anything else your wee one might appreciate. Then, let your little one choose all the things he wants without pressure!

5. Chopstick Platter

Chopstick platters are a fun family snack we started when our toddlers were constantly asking for snacks. We didn't want to say no to providing food, but we also didn't want to ruin dinner. 

So, we poured a variety of healthy nuts, dried fruit, and dark chocolate-covered nuts and fruit on a cookie sheet and put it in the middle of the table. We then equipped each toddler with a pair of chopsticks and told them they could eat as much as they wanted, as long as they picked up each bite with chopsticks.

The creativity, concentration, and laughs that followed kicked off a fun tradition that we still do years later!

How to Manage a Picky Toddler's Eating Habits FAQ

It's one thing to intellectually understand why your toddler is being picky about eating, but it's quite another to manage that mealtime pickiness day in and day out. Becoming frustrated, yelling at, or stubbornly outlasting your toddler will only make her more brazen in the future.

Instead of making everything "food" a conflict, step back, cool off, discern what's really going on, and shrug it off.

Let's get into the nitty-gritty of managing your picky toddler's eating habits by answering some common questions from parents in the throes of dinnertime woes.

1. How Can I Get My Picky Eater to Taste New Foods?

One approach is to make mealtime fun by letting your child help with meal preparation. You can also try creatively presenting food, like building a house with carrot and celery sticks and using a dip to hold it together.

Studies on five- to seven-year-olds have supported the benefits of involving your child in food preparation (source; source; source). It's even better if your little one sees you eating healthy or trying new foods regularly (source).

Another effective strategy is to offer a variety of healthy foods so your toddler can choose from several options. If your little one doesn't try something the first few times he sees it, that's okay! Research has found that repeated introductions can increase a child's acceptance of new foods, even if you need to introduce them more than eight times (source).

2. Did I Make My Toddler a Picky Eater?

Parents can influence their children's eating habits or food avoidance. To avoid a self-fulfilling prophecy, don't make picky eating a big deal; don't talk about it around your child. 

Then, ensure your toddler has plenty of nutritious food available throughout the day: protein, iron, calcium, vitamins, and fiber.

It's crucial to avoid pressuring your toddler to eat, and to avoid using food as a reward or punishment. These can create negative associations with food, leading to further picky eating behaviors. Instead, offer a variety of healthy foods at each meal and let your child decide which ones to eat.

If that means sugar or low-nutrition foods need to leave your home, it may be worth doing.

3. Should I Be Concerned That My Toddler Is Not Eating Enough?

If your toddler is not eating enough, speak with your pediatrician. While picky eating is common among toddlers, it's essential that your child gets all the necessary nutrients for healthy growth and development.

You'll know your toddler isn't eating enough if she is refusing food, complaining of stomach pain, having diarrhea, or losing weight. This could be an illness, an underlying health condition, or a nutritional deficiency. Your pediatrician will likely recommend testing or refer you to a specialist.

However, if your toddler simply eats like a bird some days and eats well on others, this behavior is normal. Your toddler's diet affects her sleep patterns, which, in turn, can influence her eating habits. Read more about helping your little one sleep in The Ultimate Guide to One-Year-Old Sleep: Tips and Tricks for Busy Parents.

4. Picky Eater or Too Much Food?

One-year-olds and older toddlers have small stomachs and don't need large portions. One reason your toddler may appear to be "picky" is that she is not very hungry, so she only eats the sweet stuff or carbs that snacky adults struggle to turn down, too.

Your toddler should eat about 40 calories for every inch of height, but this can vary slightly by activity level and build (source). Here are some general guidelines for how much a one-year-old should eat in a meal:

One meal may offer only two or three of these options. The idea is that you will provide a balanced choice of food for each meal, and your child will choose what she wants to eat. This way, she will have plenty of food available but only eat what she needs to keep going.

Just don't pressure or force your toddler to eat at a scheduled time; toddlers will eat when hungry, but it may look like grazing most days.

5. Should I be Worried If My Toddler Refuses to Eat Certain Foods?

Your toddler's eating habits are irregular and unpredictable over time. Maybe one day, she eats everything in sight and only nibbles food the next day. Or maybe she wants fruits and veggies for a few days but can't stand them afterward.

Your little one will eat what she needs when she's hungry. With growth spurts, exponential neural connection building, and nonstop learning and processing, your tiny tot is a walking miracle that needs fuel.

Some days, all she will eat is peanut butter crackers. Make sure she has other options on her plate and a little milk with those, too. You shouldn't force a child to eat, but you can consistently make the right stuff available.

If you serve food your toddler tries to avoid alongside other food that she does enjoy enough times, the odds are that she will try it again. It's even better if she sees you and other kids eating the food she typically turns down. Her refusal is not something to worry about!

6. How Can I Make Mealtime More Enjoyable for My Picky Eater?

Making mealtime more enjoyable for your picky eater can be done by involving your toddler in meal preparation, presenting food in creative ways, or creating fun mealtime activities.

We talked about involving your toddler in meal preparation above. Presenting food creatively can be as simple as making a smiley face or as complex as making a garden on a plate. You can also try any of the following activities during meals:

• listening to music or an audiobook

• asking questions

• making funny faces

• sharing ideas for the weekend

• talking about good or cool things everyone did today

Just avoid making meals a time of pressure, annoyance, or frustration. Praise your toddler for trying new foods, even if she doesn't like them.

7. Are There Any Foods That I Should Avoid Feeding My Picky Eater?

Some foods, like bitter vegetables (kale and Brussels sprouts), may be more challenging for picky eaters to accept. However, you should continue offering a variety of healthy foods, even if your tiny tot initially refuses them.

You should also avoid serving potential choking hazards, like whole grapes, cherry tomatoes, or nuts, though you could cut them into smaller pieces until your child is old enough to eat them safely.

8. How Can I Ensure My Picky Eater Is Getting All the Necessary Nutrients?

Ensuring that your picky eater, of any age, gets the necessary nutrients is quite a challenge, especially if you are feeding foster children who are not accustomed to eating fresh produce.

The main thing is to avoid making food a battle. Make sure every meal includes something your child likes, along with healthy additions. That may mean lunch looks like mac n' cheese with a side salad, orange slices, and a piece of grilled chicken, but at least your child will see something they like on their plate.

Always provide food and offer a range of healthy options. For foster kids, you may try putting a bowl of healthy fruits, nuts, and vegetables on the counter for them to eat anytime.

If you are concerned about your child's nutrition, speak with your pediatrician. They may recommend a daily multivitamin or additional testing to ensure your child gets all the necessary nutrients.

9. Should I Force My Picky Eater to Eat Foods They Don't Like?

As mentioned above, picky eating can also be a way for a toddler to assert their independence and control (i.e., get into a power struggle with you). If you feed that by getting frustrated, "laying down the law," or punishing your toddler, you only fuel the flames.

It's better not to give them a foothold, so simply shrug it off and ensure they have food that they will eat available on their plate at each meal. For older kids giving you attitude, you can tub the food they didn't touch (put it into a container) and serve it again each meal until they eat it (recooking a fresh batch if needed). 

This method really hits home when everyone else is eating out or enjoying something special, and the kid with an attitude is sitting with leftovers. To be clear, this is only to make a point about respecting those who offer food, even if it's something they don't like. It would be different if a child politely asked not to eat that food after trying a bite.

Nonetheless, you should never use this method with children who have had an eating disorder or food insecurity in the past. For advice on that, reach out to a counselor, social worker, or pediatrician.

If you have more questions about raising a toddler and how toddlers develop, check out 25 Questions First-time Parents Ask About Their Toddler's Development!

In a Nutshell

Picky eating is a challenging and, quite frankly, annoying ordeal to work through, especially with toddlers! But, with patience, creativity, and consistency, you can help your toddler through picky eating and share a world of culinary genius that isn't oversalted, sugary, or greasy.

Before long, you will have a little foodie to feed!